Helping Anxiety
by FrostedChanges
Summary: Anxiety didn't fit in with the other sides, he knew this. After all it was impossible for the others to like someone like him... Right? Well everything Virgil knows is about to be thrown out the window, when a panic attack in front of the others forces them to see how much they truly care.
1. Chapter 1

**Sooooo I've been reading way too many Sander sides fanfictions and decided to take a stab at writing one of my own while I actually had any desire and motivation to write. I chose to base my story off of Virgil because he's who I relate to the most. This means most of the little things he does in this when he's anxious, are the things I myself do.**

 **Well any who, I sadly do not own any of the sides, all that credit goes to Thomas Sanders himself. Hope you enjoy the story anyway though!**

 ***Line Break***

Virgil was not nervous and he would fight you if you said otherwise. Okay who are we kidding he is the embodiment of anxiety of course he's nervous. He curled a bit tighter into the armchair he was sitting in and glanced over at the other sides, who were sprawled in various positions across the couch.He couldn't remember how he got talked into joining them for a movie night, something with Patton and puppy dog eyes if he could recall. All he wanted was to be safely hidden away in his room; if he kept distance between them... it wouldn't hurt so badly when they left him.

He noticed he wasn't really watching the movie anymore, more so watching the way the other three interacted with each other. They seemed so at ease, he was afraid to even move and risk ruining everything. He was so lost in thought that he didn't even notice Patton looking at him with a concerned expression. Virgil simply forced a smile and turned his gaze back toward the movie.

 _'Stupidstupidstupid.'_ His brain chastised as he began pulling at the sleeves of his hoodie. _'Stop worrying them or they'll leave sooner. Just enjoy it while it lasts.'_ He gulped slightly and pulled one of his knees to his chest. Shifting in a way that made it look more like he was getting comfortable and less like he was trying to hold himself together. He could feel his heart pounding in his chest, his breathing becoming a bit more erratic as he struggled to pull air in… Then he heard it. The little voice that he had mostly silenced, because when he heard it he knew he was falling apart.

' ** _But they don't really care do they? After all they've made it quite clear that they're only putting up with you for Thomas's sake.'_** Virgil accidently let out an audible groan, his cheeks dusting red when he felt three pairs of eyes turn toward him. He placed his trade mark smirk and shrugged slightly letting his eyes flicker toward the screen. "What? That was incredibly cheesy." He said, clearing his throat slightly when his voice broke at the end.

He stood as quickly as he could without drawing to much attention to himself, his hand still fidgeting with his sleeves. "I'm gonna grab some water." He said before turning on his heels and making a hasty retreat to the kitchen. **_'Just look at you, how could anyone care about such a pathetic mess?'_** The voice whispered tauntingly. Virgil ignored it and grabbed a glass from the cabinet before filling it with water. He leaned against the counter and gulped it down quickly as he tried to ease his nerves.

' ** _You should just go back to your room, give them all a break from pretending to like you. It must be getting exhausting especially for Patton.'_** Virgil heard a small keening noise that he didn't even realize came from him. There was the sound of something shattering, and then he felt pain and wetness on his knees and legs. He looked down slightly his vision swimming. When did his glass break? Why was he on the ground? Oh god where did the air go?!

He felt hands on his arms suddenly and he gave a weak cry as he attempted to get himself away from the possible threat. His head whipped up and he was met by the confused and worried faces of Patton, Roman, and Logan. He yanked his hands away and tried to move back but only found himself forced into a corner with nowhere to go. He heard that strange keening noise again, but this time he realized it as him when he brought his hand up to his chest and throat, clawing slightly at the attempt to get any air into his body.

He felt a warm wetness on his cheeks and it took him a moment to realize he was crying. He doubled over on himself his hands leaving his chest to grab onto his hair yanking roughly as he tried to calm himself down. He felt hands on him again, pulling his own down and locking them at his sides. He began to scream and struggle, kicking his legs in an attempt to just get free.

He felt pressure on his legs and looked up to see Roman holding them tightly, watching the young side with unshed tears of his own. His head began to whip around again, and he saw Logan coming to kneel beside him, which left Patton as the one holding him so tightly. Logan grabbed his hand and he could hear a soft voice speaking for the first time. He wondered briefly how long they had been trying to talk to him.

"Breathe in for four seconds." He heard being whispered softly in his ear, it sounded so far away though. "Hold your breath for seven seconds." Logan said quietly, trying his best to keep calm as he watch the young side in front of him. "Now breathe out for eight seconds." He reminded as he slowly shifted Patton out of the way so he could sit behind Virgil. He pulled the side to his chest tightly so he could feel the way Logan was breathing. "Follow my lead okay?" He looked at the other two sides, Roman was still holding Virgil's legs tightly, his shoulders quivering as he withheld tears. Patton was stroking Virgil's hair, his tears unsurprisingly were flowing freely.

Virgil felt himself slowly coming down, his lungs burning from the lack of air. He was feeling the exhaustion now, his body growing limp ever so slowly as he followed along with the Logical side. His head lolled to the side and his eyes felt heavy. His screams had reduced to soft whimpers and he just let the others hold him. His eyes finally shut and he simply mumbled. "Sorry… -'m sorry." Before finally succumbing to the exhaustion.

 ***Line Break***

 **Soooooo there was chapter one! I swear I will be back to write more, and the next chapter will have a heavier influence of the other sides, but I hope you enjoyed!**

 **Byezz!**


	2. Chapter 2

**I'm BACCCCCCCCK! So I wanted to get the next chapter written before I don't have internet for a week. I choose to use the song 'You'll be in my Heart' because it was a song my mom dedicated to me when I was born, so I find it extremely calmly, and it fit so well with my plans for the chapter. So here we go!**

 **As usual I don't own the characters, though I love them dearly. I also don't own the song; that belongs to Phil Collins and Disney**

 **Warnings- Self hate, anxiety, depression**

 ***Line Break***

Virgil woke slowly; his brain was foggy and felt as though his limps weighed a ton. He opened his eyes and released a soft whimper at the onslaught of light. There was the sound of muffled voices around him and then the lights were turned off and he felt a hand on his arm. He let his head roll to the side slightly as he tried to make out the shape in front of him.

Patton sat on the edge of the couch beside Virgil; he had his hand resting on the other side's arm, gently stroking the skin in a soothing motion. "Hey Verge… It's alright, you're okay." He whispered. His other hand had come up to stroke the male's hair away from his face. "How are you feeling Kiddo?" Patton asked, glancing back at Logan and Roman with a concerned expression.

Virgil stared blankly at the kind side for a moment before murmuring. "Sorry." His voice was slurred slightly and he forced himself up onto his elbows. His arms immediately began to shake from exertion, but he pushed through until he found himself in a sitting position. "I ruined your family night." He picked at the sleeves of his hoodie as he desperately tried to avoid eye contact with the other sides.

"Virgil, no." Roman said firmly, surprising himself as much as he surprised the three men in the room. He looked down for a minute before turning his eyes to the anxious side that sat on the couch. "You can't apologize for what you're feeling. We're sorry that we didn't notice earlier, that we couldn't help." He let his gaze fall once more his hand pumping into fists sporadically.

Virgil was staring at the embodiment of creativity in a mixture of shock and uncertainty. He glanced at the other side's hands for a moment before standing and attempting to walk over to the other side. Though all he ended up doing was falling face first into the man's chest. He gripped onto Roman's shoulders, partially forcing the man to pay attention, and partially to keep himself on his feet. "Stop." He said firmly, cringing at the volume of his own voice. "I was purposely hiding things from you all, I didn't want you to worry I still don't." He sank slowly to the floor with a small grunt. "I did this alone for so long. I'm afraid that if I... if you see who I really am, you'll all leave me alone again."

He hadn't even finished his sentence when Patton practically full on tackled him from the edge of the couch. Virgil looked around in shock while the dad side held onto him tightly, crying something about his 'dark strange son'. He looked toward the other two for help, but Roman was chuckling at the display, and Logan was grinning softly. Said Logical side knelt down beside the two. "While I don't think tackling you was the right way to show it… but we do care Virgil, and honestly, seeing you like you were in the kitchen." Logan trailed off for a second as if searching for something to say. "I was scared Virgil… Seeing you like that honestly frightened me."

Virgil stared up at him, and then looked down at Patton, before letting his gaze trail over to Roman, who had joined them on the floor at his other side. He felt tears burn his eyes and he squirmed restlessly wanting to wipe them away. The moral side seemed to understand in a way and sat up, though he immediately pulled Virgil to his chest, holding him there tightly.

Patton noticed as Virgil's shoulders began to shake, the young side holding back tears. So he did the only thing he knew to do, he let his heart do the talking.

" _ **Come stop you're crying, it'll be alright.**_

 _ **Just take my hand, hold it tight.**_

 _ **I will protect you, from all around you.**_

 _ **I will be here don't you cry."**_

Virgil stiffened up slightly for a second before practically melting into Patton's arms. He hid his face against the side's shoulder, small sobs starting to escape his throat. Roman noticed the look of desperation on Patton's face as he clung to the sobbing side, so he started to sing instead.

" _ **For one so small, you seem so strong,**_

 _ **Our arms will hold you, keep you safe and warm.**_

 _ **This bound between us, can't be broken.**_

 _ **We will be here, don't you cry."**_

Roman moved closer, wrapping an arm around both the sides, holding them close as his own tears began to fall. Logan looked at the group and sighed softly, he had said once that he wasn't one for singing… but he decided under the circumstances that it was more than worth it.

" _ **Cause you'll be in our hearts.**_

 _ **Yes you'll be in our hearts.**_

 _ **From this day on, now and forever more."**_

Logan brought himself closer as Virgil began to cry harder, his hand coming up to rub calming circles on the side's shoulder. He opened his mouth to sing once more, only to find to similar yet very different voices joining his.

" _ **You'll be in our hearts.**_

 _ **No matter what they say.**_

 _ **You'll be here in our hearts. Always.**_

 _ **Cause you'll be in our hearts.**_

 _ **Believe us you'll be in our hearts.**_

 _ **From this day on now and forever more.**_

 _ **You'll be in our hearts,**_

 _ **No matter what they say.**_

 _ **You'll be in here in our hearts, Always.**_

 _ **Always we'll be with you.**_

 _ **We'll be there for you always.**_

 _ **Always and Always.**_

 _ **Just look over your shoulder**_

 _ **Just look over your shoulder**_

 _ **Just look over your shoulder**_

 _ **We'll be there**_

 _ **Always."**_

Their voices came to a slow stop, holding out the last note. Virgil hiccupped slightly, unwilling to move away from Patton. "Thank you." He whispered his voice choked. "Thank you, thank you, thank you." He closed his eyes slightly and drew in a shuddering breath. And right now he just knew, he'd be okay.

 ***Line Break***

 **Well there we go. I do plan on a third chapter sometime in the future, so keep an eye out!**


	3. Chapter 3

**I'm back with chapter three! So I obviously left this chapter open with the intent on following it up with something else! I hope you enjoy this chapter though!**

 **Warnings- Mentions of nudity, mentions of self harm, Self depreciating thoughts.**

 ***Line Break***

The second time Virgil joined the land of consciousness; he wasn't exactly sure where he was. He knew he was surrounded by warm bodies and soft sheets and blankets. He looked around slowly, blinking sleep from his eyes. Roman had his arms around the anxious traits body, holding him close as if afraid he was going to leave. Patton was on his right, curled against his back. The moral side was gripping onto Virgil's hoodie like a life line. Finally there was Logan. He was on Roman's right, laying mostly on his own, except his arm was laying over the Roman just resting against Virgil's arm.

Virgil chuckled softly, and shook his head before he slowly began to detangle himself from his fellow sides. It took him a rough ten minutes to get himself free without waking the others. After a moment of consideration he realized he was in Logan's room, the logical side had a very plain and organized room. It expressed him perfectly.

The youngest side quietly slipped across the floor and out of the room, as much as he appreciated everything the others had done, he needed a minute alone to breathe. So the anxious male went to his room, grabbed some clothes before heading off to the bathroom to take a long hot shower. You see there were bonuses to living in the mind of someone else. They never ran out of hot water.

He grabbed his phone and speaker on his way out, setting them up on the counter before starting the shower up. He let out a soft chuckle as the first note of "Welcome to the Black Parade" played through the speaker. He stepped into the warm water and let out a content sigh as the heat poured over his tense muscles.

Virgil wasn't sure how long he had been in the bathroom, he zoned out after awhile just enjoying the relaxing music alone time. He hadn't been this calm in awhile… Well until the door was slammed open with a bang. The anxious side almost jumped out of his skin with a startled yell. The shower curtain was yanked open and he found himself facing a highly worried Patton, flanked by a frantic Roman, and a Logan who just looked down with everyone.

Virgil's hands instantly covered his naughty bits, his cheeks turning dark red. "COULD YOU GUYS GET OUT!?" He snapped, his eyes roaming over each of their faces. He sighed softly as Patton's bottom lip began to tremble, some of his anger melting away. "Can you just… Let me finish my shower guys?" He asked as he ran a hand through his wet hair.

Patton nodded softly and let his eyes drop in shame. "We just… I woke up and you were gone, I was scared." He said biting his lip slightly. "I needed to make sure you were okay." He murmured before slowly lifting his eyes back to Virgil's. However about midway up his chest, Patton's eyes froze. "Virgil… What are all those scars?" He asked his voice barely a whisper.

Virgil sucked in a harsh breath as he looked down in realization. He could feel Logan's and Roman's eyes on him now as well. There was thin lines covering his chest and arms, it was quite clear what they were, and he knew there was no way to hide it from the others now. But his fear quickly turned to anger, at himself for getting caught in this situation, and at them for bursting in on him. "Just… Get out." He said yanking the shower curtain closed and closing his eyes. He took a deep breath as he heard them shuffle slowly from the bathroom. This was going to be a long day.

 ***Line Break***

It took another five minutes for Virgil to get out of the bathroom. He was wearing black sweat pants and his normal hoodie, his eye shadow was incredibly dark, and his hood was up signaling he was now in a terrible mood. He shuffled into the kitchen, barely glancing at the sides who were sitting patiently at the table waiting for him. He grabbed his "Nightmare Before Christmas" mug and filled it with coffee before joining them at the table.

He took a long drink before laying his head on the table and waving his hand slightly. "I know you have questions… Just go for it." He mumbled knowing full and well that he wasn't going to be able to escape this conversation.

There was simply silence for a minute, until Logan cleared his throat. "Are those… Are those scars self created?" He asked of course just being blunt about the topic at hand.

Virgil froze for a second before letting out a soft sigh and nodding. "Yes they are." He admitted, slowly sitting up and relaxing back in his chair. He crossed his arms over his chest and scanned his eyes over the other sides at the table.

Logan was schooling his expression, Patton looked ready to break into tears, and Roman almost looked angry. "Why?" The creative trait asked glaring a hole into the table. "Why would you even think of doing this to yourself? What if something went wrong Virgil?!" He snapped his first slamming against the table.

Virgil stared at him blankly for a moment before he just started laughing, much to the shock of the others sitting with him. "Why would I… Someone who was abandoned because of what he represented, ever think of hurting myself?" He asked in an incredibly sarcastic tone. "Maybe just maybe Roman… I did it for a good reason." He said as he pushed back his chair, easily climbing to his feet. "Maybe I did it because it was a source of calming, so I didn't overwhelm Thomas. Maybe I did it to ground myself when I was getting out of control so I didn't hurt anyone. And maybe, just maybe I hurt myself because I was tired of being hurt by everyone else." He said as he glared down at the royal side. "So maybe, you should stop thinking of yourself Princey." He spat venomously before turning and storming off to his bedroom.

Roman stared after his friend, guilt pooling in his gut. As he glanced to his side, he saw Logan and Patton were feeling quite similarly. And for once, Roman had no ideas on how to make things better.


End file.
